Raymond is home

I fear my beloved Raymond is dying.  I write this with tears streaming down my face, watching him sleep on the couch next to me.  His lungs are working so hard to get air in them.  He has lost 35 pounds since December and is weak as a feather.

Raymond got home from the hospital yesterday afternoon.  He had a “pleural effusion” which is fluid build up around the lungs.  The doctor did a procedure on Tuesday, I cant remember what it was called, but they inserted a catheter in his back and drained 1/2 liter of fluid from his right lung (his good lung).  He felt better right away but by the time we got home yesterday we think the fluid is starting to build up again.  They said it could build up again in a day, a week, a month or never.  They cannot drain the fluid from his left lung because it is to “spongy” with the cancer.  He is having difficulty breathing and has the feeling he is suffocating. He has a gurgle in his breath and it doesn’t sound good.  He is coughing and suffering.  He is on oxygen around the clock now.  It doesn’t seem to be helping him.

We’ve decided to call hospice in and the nurse that comes to change the bandage on his knee, will call our oncologist and recommend hospice today.  Apparently, hospice has to be approved by the doctor.  I asked Ray if he wanted to go back to the hospital and he said no, he has about had it with hospitals.

He doesn’t want to see people, he just doesn’t have the strength.  He isn’t eating very much at all, he has no appetite.   I feel helpless.  My heart aches to see him suffer and I pray for an easy transition for him.

 

About 1lisaa

I've been on a spiritual quest my whole adult life. As a 59 year old retired school teacher and a long time observer of people, life, nature and miracles, I have decided to start a blog. As I began my blog I was a caregiver for my soul mate Raymond who was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer in 2011 and it has been quite a journey. Now, I continue this blog with memoirs, insights, and stories about this journey, called life. In this blog, I hope to find clarity and share spiritual lessons along the way. All comments and insights would be appreciated.
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15 Responses to Raymond is home

  1. Rose Hollandsworth says:

    Lisa, I will continue to pray for a miracle for Ray. I’m so sorry he has had to go through so much. You are an angel. Without you he never would have been able to go through so much. I know how much you love him. It is so apparent in all you do and say and I’m sure he knows it too. God Bless you, Lisa and I WILL continue to pray for the both of you. Rose

  2. susy westmoreland says:

    Dearest Lisa……I know that Ray is far better at home than in the hospital. I am so happy that you are stepping up for Hospice. They are wonderful. Ray is now in the most loving and spiritual environment with you….remember he feels your love all around him and you know how powerful that is.
    God bless both of you.
    My love is with you.
    Susy

  3. Lauren says:

    Lisa, I am so glad that Ray is home with you. Through all of this you have been so incredibly supportive and I am so proud to call you my Aunt. You are an amazing woman. Ray is so lucky to have found you in this crazy world. I will continue to send good vibes your way and pray for your days together.
    I love you so

  4. Larry and Barb Aliotta says:

    Lisa. Larry and I have heavy hearts for both you and Ray. Wish we could be with you to lend a helping hand or just hold his, but we certainly understand and will abide by his wishes. You have been his angel on earth and we pray for his peace.

    Love to you both,
    Larry and Barb

  5. Michael says:

    Lisa – we think of You and Ray often and we send positive vibes every day. Ray is a very fortunate man to have you buy his side through this. Michael

  6. Nick Graham says:

    Oh Auntie… Dustin and I are just heartbroken for both of you. I was just reminding mom and Grandma about how you took such great care of me when I had my appendix out a few summers ago. I know that Ray could not have asked for a more loving partner or nurse. In such a short amount of time Ray became a force of light and laughter in our lives. We are fuller people for knowing him. We love you both dearly.

    All our thoughts, prayers and love are with you. We’re here for you in anyway you need.

    Nick & Dustin (And Charlie too)

  7. Holly Teetzel says:

    Lisa I am not too far away if there is anything you need at any time. I pray for Ray to be at peace. My heart breaks for the two of you.
    Holly

  8. Colette says:

    Dear Lisa,
    My heart breaks for you and Raymond. Your description of his suffering brings back so many horrible memories of my sister dying. I am here for you if you ever need to talk, cry, let it out….I so understand what you are experiencing. It was the most difficult thing I have had to experience in my life. I am praying for you and Raymond and hope he can find comfort and peace. Love to you my dear friend, Colette

  9. Kimberly says:

    Lisa, my dear friend, remember that you are in the midst of the circle of life…playing an honored role for a member of your soul family. He will never be truly separated from you….ever. I love you…Kimberly in Washington

  10. Sandy says:

    I remember the day very clearly that Alan & I meet you both down in the Florida Keys @ John Pennekamp State Park. What a wonderful time we had getting to know you both just a little, but what an impression you both made on us! I can only imagine what you both are going though. I’ve been praying for both of you. Lisa, I pray you will hold onto those good times and those memories will bring you joy. For Ray, I pray that he will not suffer. Be strong.
    Sandy & Alan

  11. mare says:

    Lisa your community holds all of you with great love. This is a blessed time, in darkness is where our greatest gifts are found. Much Love from this family to yours.

  12. Laurie & Bruce Anderson says:

    Dearest Lisa, we cannot even imagine what you and Raymond are going through. We pray that Raymond is comfortable and finds peace, knowing he is with the only person that really matters to him, his most loving and caring soulmate and angel. You are both in our hearts and prayers and we are here for you… love you both more than words can say. Bruce, Laurie, Stacey, Jackie & Andre

  13. Oh sissy I am so sorry, I love you I love you I love you my sweet baby lisa girl

  14. Nancy Kalef says:

    Dear Lisa, I haven’t written before, but I have prayed for you and Ray. We share a spiritual path and I know you know Ray has returned Home to be with God. I so hoped Ray could be with you longer; I know how much later-in-life love meant to both of you. My heart breaks for you and your family. Each one of you found a love in Ray that you never expected. May you find solace in your memories of how you filled Ray’s heart with love before he left this life. Nancy Kalef

  15. Dearest Lisa,
    We just received the e-mail from your Dad that Ray has passed, so sorry. He no longer suffers, but we suffer his loss. We will continue to pray for you as you try to adjust without your sweetheart.
    Love Aunt Barb and Uncle Rod

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