I fear my beloved Raymond is dying. I write this with tears streaming down my face, watching him sleep on the couch next to me. His lungs are working so hard to get air in them. He has lost 35 pounds since December and is weak as a feather.
Raymond got home from the hospital yesterday afternoon. He had a “pleural effusion” which is fluid build up around the lungs. The doctor did a procedure on Tuesday, I cant remember what it was called, but they inserted a catheter in his back and drained 1/2 liter of fluid from his right lung (his good lung). He felt better right away but by the time we got home yesterday we think the fluid is starting to build up again. They said it could build up again in a day, a week, a month or never. They cannot drain the fluid from his left lung because it is to “spongy” with the cancer. He is having difficulty breathing and has the feeling he is suffocating. He has a gurgle in his breath and it doesn’t sound good. He is coughing and suffering. He is on oxygen around the clock now. It doesn’t seem to be helping him.
We’ve decided to call hospice in and the nurse that comes to change the bandage on his knee, will call our oncologist and recommend hospice today. Apparently, hospice has to be approved by the doctor. I asked Ray if he wanted to go back to the hospital and he said no, he has about had it with hospitals.
He doesn’t want to see people, he just doesn’t have the strength. He isn’t eating very much at all, he has no appetite. I feel helpless. My heart aches to see him suffer and I pray for an easy transition for him.