I’m Going to be Okay

When I think about Raymond, I think about how blessed I was to have been his “wife.”  He knew he was dying and he set things up for me to be alright.  He signed over the trailer and I have a darling little home that Raymond took such loving care of.  He taught me so much about being careful with my money and now I am living in a place that I can easily afford.  My little trailer park looks more like a campground than a trailer park.  It is densely wooded and there are so many squirrels, chipmunks and birds that I feel like I am living in a Disney movie.

Raymond made sure I was taken care of because he knew that my life would go on.  He    had a small insurance policy that he made me the beneficiary of, I have the truck and camper in my name and I am starting to see that I have options in my life.  A little flicker of hope is in my heart.

Since I redecorated the deck, I sit outside on my comfy wicker rocking chair, counting my blessings while watching nature.  Life goes on and I am learning how to go on without Raymond’s physical presence in mine.  Although I miss him everyday, I am slowly coming to a place where I see just how blessed I was to have known him and I am becoming more hopeful about my future.

There is something about fishing that feeds my soul.  When I am out in nature, I connect with source and am able to feel the bigger picture.  I observe the critters, the clouds passing slowly in the sky, the sun peeking out warming my skin, a soft breeze tousles my hair, and I am thankful.  I am thankful to be alive and part of the circle of life.

I have to admit that I do better with company, but I did go fishing alone last Wednesday and all was fine.   My friends and family have been fantastic.  They call and we have long talks and they drive an hour to come visit me.   A friend came out on Thursday.  She and I went fishing.  As we sat by the water, watching the swans, sea birds and feeling nibbles on the line, it made me happy to be alive.  Robin, my sister, came out on Friday and spent the night.  We went fishing today and as we were sitting in the sun, with my pole in the water, I felt at peace.  I will be fine.

I am starting to make plans.  Two girlfriends, who live close by, are going to start walking every morning and I am going to go with them.  I’m sure the talks we will have and the nature we will see, not to mention the exercise, will be good for me.  I am thinking about going to Kauai for a month in the winter to reconnect with dear friends and feel the wonderful healing energy of the island.  I look forward…

Raymond was taken away too early but, thanks to his foresight, the rest of my life will be alright.  That is what he wanted, for me to be okay.  I am slowly learning that I am going to be okay.

About 1lisaa

I've been on a spiritual quest my whole adult life. As a 59 year old retired school teacher and a long time observer of people, life, nature and miracles, I have decided to start a blog. As I began my blog I was a caregiver for my soul mate Raymond who was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer in 2011 and it has been quite a journey. Now, I continue this blog with memoirs, insights, and stories about this journey, called life. In this blog, I hope to find clarity and share spiritual lessons along the way. All comments and insights would be appreciated.
This entry was posted in acceptance, death and loss, healing, memoir. Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to I’m Going to be Okay

  1. juliette says:

    Soo good to hear that you are finding so much to be grateful for. it truly does help to keep the heart open and the vision bright on focused on the truth, don’t you think.

    I wish I was fishing with you. It sounds so peaceful and beautiful. Thanks for letting me know where you live. I can picture you in the ‘camping’ park with all the little critters.

    Love you so, Juliette

    • susy westmoreland says:

      Oh Lisa…..i am so very happy that you turned the page and are in touch with “gratitude”, and are ready to live again. What a beautiful way to come back through nature. You are truly blessed to have such a wonderful family and such wonderful friends.
      What a treasure your Raymond was still looking after you from above.
      Love you and am looking forward to connecting with you again later this year.


  2. Nick Graham says:

    I love you, auntie. It’s wonderful to hear how you’re looking toward the future. Once I’m back from all my crazy world travels Dust and I want to come visit. Now THAT’S a future worth looking forward to! 🙂 Huggies and squeezies.

  3. judy lanphier says:

    so wonderful to hear your transistions and to feel your peace. you are so much more than “ok” you are deeply and eternally loved. all is well…. KAUAI YES YES YES!!!!!

  4. Kimberly (Cole) Skach says:

    Sending you love all the way from Washington state, Lisa. Know that Raymond’s spirit is with you daily….Kimberly

  5. CONSTANCE says:


  6. Sandy says:

    So wonderful to hear Lisa! We have been away, without cell phones or a computer 🙂 … hence the reason for me not responding sooner. Continue to take care of yourself & looking forward to the future.

  7. Dear Lisa,
    This is from Uncle Rod , we hear a lot of you fishing with your friends and family–do you ever catch anything????
    This is from your Aunt Barb, read your last blog and sounds as though your life is evolving in a more positive way, we are happy for you for that.
    Rod and I just back back from our cabin where we had a wonderful time with great weather. When we left it was raining — a great time to leave. We needed the rain it has been very dry up there. Wish you guys could have stopped by on your way back home. Maybe another time.
    Love Uncle Rod and Aunt Barb

    • 1lisaa says:

      Uncle Rod, Yes, I catch a lot of fish. Mostly little perch, but sometimes bigger perch and bass, sheephead and you just never know what will bite on any given day. Was supposed to go fishing with Holly and the kids today but we both decided it was going to be tooooo hot!
      Aunt Barb, I am trying to stay positive… have my good and bad days. I’m sorry we didn’t stop by but by the time we got to my folks and then I had to drive to Algonac, it would have been just too late. One day we will make it up there. I love you both!

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